MAKE YOUR VETERINARIAN CRINGE:
Here's a humorous tongue-in-cheek look at things clients do to drive their vets crazy.
1. Make sure you arrive 10-15 minutes late for your appointment, and bring in any extra pet's you would like to "squeeze in" even though you only scheduled your appointment for one pet. We like to start off the day behind, miss lunch, or leave late at the end of a long day.
2. We encourage you to bring your cat in on your shoulder, ensuring that you have absolutely have no control over it in the event that there are any other pets in the exam room which might scare it. The staff especially enjoys impromptu games of 'hide and seek' throughout the hospital during busy days.
3. Feel free to not have your dog on a leash upon arrival but announce to everyone upon entering the clinic, "He's friendly!" which obviously comforts and assures other clients trying desperately to control their pets while yours is running around in the lobby, urinating on the reception desk and getting the other pets wound up.
4. Bring in as many below school aged children as possible (your's and your neighbors' kids). Feel comfortable ignoring them when they run about the clinic/exam room with abandon as they turn on and off the lights at strobe light speeds and roughly rifle through drawers of syringes and expensive equipment. Additionally, please make sure they have not eaten for quite some time and that several naps have been skipped prior to your visit to make their visit especially exciting for us.
5. We enjoy when you demand we see your pet as soon as possible citing a dire emergency, and fully expecting us to reschedule any other clients or surgeries we may have on the schedule for that day if necessary, even though your cat has been vomiting and having diarrhea for over 3 weeks, or your dog has been coughing and losing weight for 2-3 years.
6. If your pet is knowingly aggressive in the exam room, please don't tell us before we approach him or her. We like to find out on our own. It helps us keep our reflexes sharp!
7. It is reasonable to assume that you can bring your pet in with numerous growths all over its body and the vet will know exactly what they are and if they are cancerous or not without sampling them. During vet school we developed the ability to "just know" by sweeping our hands over your pet.
8. We enjoy when you send your mute and socially awkward teenage son or daughter in with your pet. Make sure they have no idea why they are there, what vaccines or treatments your pets need or what medications they are on. We don't mind waiting as your child makes multiple phone calls back and forth to you to determine such things. And make sure they have no money with them or means by which to pay so we can try and chase you down over the next several weeks trying to get payment.
9. It is also perfectly reasonable to expect that we can assimilate multiple vague symptoms that your pet has been experiencing over several years or months (ie. "acting off"), and without doing any diagnostics, give you "the magic pill" which will solve everything. And it is reasonable and fair that you should be annoyed when you vet is unable to do that. You know we're just trying to rip you off and that a good vet would know exactly what is going on with your pet with just a $40 exam.
10. You are very right when you say your pet isn't hurting when it is wobbling around the exam room holding up a leg and or dragging it awkwardly behind it, squinting without cease, or after any surgery. Do not listen to your vet when he or she tells you otherwise. They are just trying to get money out of you when you, obviously, know better.
11. We recommend you wait on your prescription refills until one hour or less before the next pill is due, especially if it's a medication to prevent seizures or to treat your pet's heart condition. Give us only 5-10 minutes to fill it while impatiently tapping your fingers on the counter in front of the receptionist. DO NOT worry about any regularly scheduled patients in the lobby that are there for appointments. They will be more than happy to wait.
12. We love it when you call to speak only with the vet to avoid an exam fee. Please place a short time frame when a return call is expected only to ask about your pets diet or why it might be shedding more that usual. Don't worry about keeping your vet on the phone for 45 minutes to an hour or so. What else would they need to be doing?!
I know you're not this person, and these are greatly exaggerated, but in my practice at least one of these scenarios occur every day. Be one of your vet's favorite clients, not the one they scurry away from when they see you!
Dr. Kelley
